Tracking Me, Valentines 2017

It’s that delightful time of year when everyone who has a somebody is getting all sorts of loved up feelings today. Or they have great expectations and are being let down, or they are feeling the sting of just how lonely they are or they are like me and thankful for the friends and company they have made over the course of the last year.

I have in the last year greatly strengthened my relationship with my parents whom I have not been close to in over 10 years of my life. It has been a struggle, there has absolutely been growing pains and I have a feeling as this year progresses there will of course be more of them.

The hardest currently being with I think the true acceptance that I really do have multiple me’s living in my head and that we have varying sexual orientations and relationship orientation as well. I’m Bi, but not just bi… I have one boy in particular living in my head that wants a woman and is only interested in women. So there are times I have no interest in any man other than as a friend. Other times I’m attracted to men, as a man. Or attracted to a woman, as a woman. Somewhere in all of it I’ve had to simplify over the years and just say I’m attracted to people but it actually delves much further than that.

This is overly complicated and that I understand completely. Living with it and having been able to get used to it over the course of the last 26 years of my life has been one thing. My parents, bless the both of them, have had the crash course in how to deal with all of this since I moved in with them in August of last year. Almost 7 whole months later and we are finally starting to work things out. I know there will be lots more learning on all avenues. Both them of me and me of them. Like I said, there was a large portion of my life where I just…. didn’t connect with them, not for lack of wanting to.

So back to this Valentines thing. I have friends… Let me say this again. I have FRIENDS and even a couple of BEST friends. I haven’t had honest to goodness really close tight knit friends, that I lived in the same state with… for a long time. I have had people I’m in relationships with, and people I’m not in relationships with which are practically strangers, but not… The sort of friend you can go out and do tons and tons of things with. Not the type of friend who you can call at all hours of the day or night and maybe pop by just because you need a hug. Those are rare and precious.

So would I say that on this day, when I don’t have a Partner that I feel I am lacking? For the first time in a long time no. I feel ultimately surrounded by the love of those friends and of my family. I feel the love of friends close and far away and of all of you who support me through my stream, through my art, through my fitness excursions and beyond. You all keep me going, you all hold me up and cover me in digital hugs and support and I am so thankful for each and every one of you.

This is likely the most “mushy” I’m gonna get so don’t go and get used to it ok? 😛

Saberlin and Crew OVER AND OUT!

((TIME 1230))
–Current Mood (Public Facing): Neutral
–Current Real Mood: Neutral frustrated, twitchy, UP but not in a good controlled way.
–Worst Area: Nervous jitters
–Loss of Time: Randomly spaced switches, Carbon/Riven presiding. Disassociated hard at a meeting where Asher decided to throw his two cents in and then leave the discussion again.
–Sleep: Fitfull at best, strange ass running away dreams. Yuck.
–The 7:
Syl – sleeping
Spitfyre – grumbly, doesn’t want to be at “evil” work place
Carbon – Grumbly, needs more sleep
Asher – Commenting and getting frustrated people don’t know who they’re talking to.
Riven – Distracted today
Sylvia – Struggling to hang on, only an hour left. Seriously may not make it. I’d HATE to have to leave before 6 full hours. Gotta just… somehow make it through. -Meds: Oxcarbazepine (300mg morning and night), Abrieva (2.5mg) at night. Aroma Therapy. mmmmm mint ^.^

 

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