Hello Darnkess… My Old Friend

Hello Darkness my old Friend,
I’ve come to talk with you again.
Because a Vision softly creeping,
Left it’s seeds while I was sleeping.
And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains,
Within the sounds… of Silence.

I heard my dad play this song on the piano and I wanted to start learning it. This was one of my favorite songs as a CHILD, and still is to this day. Every time I listen to it now, I feel how it relates, and now I understand why some of it’s lines hit as hard as they did. Music is for everyone to interpret and get close to or feel from. That’s what makes music good, by evoking emotion through it’s sounds.

There was a memory that haunted me for years. There was a staircase that led down a set of stairs, into a basement type room that was small and had the old wood walls of the 80’s. Something happened to me there when I was little, and it would take 26 years for me to remember, in horrifically detailed glory.

For those of you that also suffer from PTSD or otherwise induced flash-backs, you’ll understand what I mean when I say ‘you completely loose the rest of the world and travel back in time to that moment.’ Because there’s nothing else that exists within your senses. Your eyes for all their maybe being open during a flashback aren’t actually loading the information for the world currently in front of you. Somehow all you see is what happened. Somehow all you hear is what happened… Somehow, your whole body remembers exactly how it felt when it happened. Whatever “it” was, you go back there.

I’m going to completely dive down the tangent that this is currently starting to become for a moment because I feel like it’s important.

I want you to hold onto the feeling of that dream like reality that it is to have a flashback, and then apply that same feeling to everything else you do in life. That’s what it can feel like to have Disassociative Identity Disorder. Like a dream where you’re stuck in a cinematic in the third person. You have no control over your body or even your thoughts and you are literally just along for the ride. Even as I (Asher) write this, and my thoughts are presiding, or “forward”, I can also feel Sylvia listening and trying to stay with it enough to have this as an “immediate” memory for her. Like a memory that she did, even though she didn’t actually do it. Cause I’m doing it. It’s weird and I know this likely doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I’m just personally more and more fascinated by all of this as it shows what the brain can do when put under pressure.

Which isn’t to say that I think we should go around pressuring peoples brains to see what happens. That’s pretty much already what happened to me and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. If nothing else its insanely inconvenient to have to completely rescan your surroundings and try to make sure everyone around you is safe every other 20 seconds to minutes as your Alters switch.

Anyway, off to Water Therapy.

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