This weekend was both completely relaxing and completely busy and stressing too.
It was absolutely busier than hell with REI work and the “Snowpocalypse” that took place, including the current repercussions of so much frozen water stacking all over the city as they are now calling for flooding. Joy.
Friday we had already seen near an entire week of being essentially forcefully shut in thanks to the weather and I… don’t handle being “caged” very well. My sense of personal movement and freedom is incredibly important to me. When I can’t move about “at will,” in one form or another I have a bad habit of becoming extremely agitated, snippy, and more and more aggressive until “Freedom” has been attained again.
I was VERY fortunate and appreciative that my parents had the ability to use their larger rig to ferry me to and from work to my two jobs as they were open and required. Though I did get one shift covered cause there was no way I was getting out of my neighborhood.
I feel like I didn’t go to work Friday, or at least got home early. I can’t remember which. Maybe I had gotten home early. Either way, I had started cleaning my room when I got a hold of my best friend and ended up hanging out and making some music, which was a LOT of fun. Ended up recording with it and I started to learn the wonders of the program Garage Band on Mac. Nothing beats good music, GREAT company, and pizza and your fav beer.
That’s one of the hard things about DiD… You can’t always just be…. “you,” Cause you don’t necessarily know which “you” is going to come out and what they are going to want to do. So you sort of have to keep everyone in check which can diminish the amount of actual relaxation you get out of any particular situation. Finding people that you can be around and naturally slip from one “me” to the next, all while trying to “ride along” and view from at least the 2nd person perspective in my head is… RARE. So when I find them, they become very very dear to me. Safe spaces and people where I can completely relax and know I am well. Whether its the over philosophical Asher, the critical Riven, the “natural” me (Sylvia)(host, but made. its complicated) or one of the little’s(referring to young alters.) Syl or Spitfyre, there are few people I can just, relax and let them forward as they deem or want to.
The weekend for work was STUPID busy on Saturday but I/We handled it well with some additional help from Aroma Therapy before heading out to work and just the fact that my second job (which I want to make my first and only) at REI is literally just amazing. Great co-workers, great managers, etc. The lack of stress helps to keep the 7 in a steady balance rather than trying to overtake each other at a constant.
–Though I need to be honest in stating that on Saturday there was times where I was completely disconnected and acting purely on autopilot. The switches were coming around every about 10 seconds or less and there was a lot of the day that was confusing.
((1126)) I think I’d like to find more like me. I want to talk to someone that understands, more fully, what it’s like to “live inside my head.”
–Current Mood: Sad, Neutral, Disconnected.
–Current Real Mood: Aggression, Anger, Manic Energy channeled in ONE direction but can’t decide which Direction that needs to be (cause one doesn’t logically exist.)–Worst Area: Time. Minutes keep going missing and I’m not sure to what or where.
Also having a problem with more mood swings that are becoming a bit unstable. Quicker to anger.
–Loss of Time: Concentration calculated at attention to 10 seconds on the long side.
–Sleep: Dream filled, technology and space ridden. Being off planet and then onto another and wit a safe “pack” of people/friends/colleagues.
–The 7: Carbon presiding this AM when I woke up at 630-0715 when I was waiting to find out about work. ANGRY, HEADACHE (which is still lingering), Body pain (felt like I had just taken a beating. In the dreams I had but… yah. great… hurray for a brain that doesn’t know which side of awake is the “Reality” sometimes.) Very distant like looking down a loooong dark tunnel. Small range of vision unless I really concentrate, then it’s like my senses try to take in everything at an amped 300%.
-Second waking after finding out work was starting late: Sylvia presiding, quiet, in control. Nervous and anxious, but the anger is much pushed back.
-Meds: Oxcarbazepine (300mg morning and night), cofffeeeeeeeeeee, likely to have some tea as well throughout the day here.
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