Today could possibly be a manic day depending on how things go. I woke up for the first time in days without an instant panic attack or overwhelming feelings of fear or dread. Like the entire cosmos are going to collapse in on themselves if I get out of the bed. Those are always a bundle of joy to work through. Does great things for the overall psyche to work out that hard before one gets their first sips of coffee…
Sleeping next to a Partner or Friend sure helps when I can have access to that, but that’s a little on the short supply side of things for right now. I have one friend I get to spend an occasional evening with and when I can sleep next to them its… so damn peaceful. I don’t worry about anything, just slip into a solid sleep and conk out until the morning. It’s times like that I really miss having a steady relationship. Then again finding someone that’s gonna be able to know and handle all of my… selves… yah.
((0857))- UGHHHHHHHH – having such a hard time hanging on today. *Growls*…
((0937)) ((0945)) <–What. Even. Though. Come on guys.
((1011)) Might have to go home and just hide today.. I should go to the gym. We want to go to the gym. Can’t overdo it. Yesterday was good though. I did what I could, worked into a good hard fever then hit the dry sauna. Burned that shit out like it was yesterdays news. Lots of water and then a super hot shower, and REST really helped. Got this cold kicked back to just minor head-cold status.
((1201)) So in watching MultiplicityinMe I am… remembering how much work I have to do regarding not only my DiD but also my Bipolar Disorder. Such as understanding that some of the more “minor” personalities are actually much more fledged and actualized, including the new “Black Stallion”(code name, she’s actually a woman..I don’t know a lot about her yet. But she’s super cocky and very brash and demands respect.)
Anyway, I have an idea after watching one of MnM (multiplicity n me) video lectures on DiD on how to… introduce or better explain how the disorder affects me in having multiple people talking, deciding, wanting things in my head on a day to day.
–Also I need to figure out which of me can and can’t handle caffeine… cause that’s absolutely a thing.
–Current Mood: Calm, Nuetral, .
–Current Real Mood: a little perturbed. But just enough…Not happy, not neutral, just… a little dash on the aggressive side. Increases as affects of Aroma Therapy wear off.
–Worst Area: Concentration. The spinning is slooooooowly slowing down.
–Loss of Time: increasing and going in bursts. time shouldn’t act like a sunburst.
–Sleep: Fitful, odd dreams *which for me is rare. I normally lucid dream*
–The 7: Snoozing… They refuse to get out of bed this morning. All except Riven, so she’s sitting just behind my eyes and helping me nurse my coffee to get me going. Thanks girl, you’re a dream 😉 ((0845))Fractured. Scattered with too many change overs.
– no morning panic attack, took longer with Aroma Therapy this morning to try to further instill sense of calm to carry through the day with more meditation. Everyone keeps yawning. Stop please.
-Meds: Oxcarbazepine (300mg morning and night), no Theraflu yet. Likely to take as soon as Coffee is gone…*every four hours until this cold buggers the hell off.* Unfortunately left Theraflu at home…. and all my Aroma Therapy stuff Q.Q
Previous Day January 5, 2017