I think some of these blog posts are going to need to be continually edited as I find things out about others *and my own* perception regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder.
I can be fixed 100%!
– This is a great thought and by no means comes with any ill will towards myself or anyone else who is living with DiD. However, I feel it’s also important that people (ranging from loved ones to friends to strangers) understand that in some cases, it’s something that never goes away. However with management it is something that can become more manageable.
I’ve had my “Aspects” (alters) as long as I can remember, which is to about age four, from there it gets fuzzy and I have to ask my “little” (Syl, age 4, the “Original”) about anything earlier. For instance one of her favorite memories is counting semi’s on the drive from San Diego up to Alaska. Random, but I have no recollection of this without her being at least partially present or “Forward.”
((it also occurs to me that writing a blog with the terminology I use could also be incredibly useful so I don’t have to continually explain everything outright as I’m writing. Which can get long and confusing and even throw me off my own path…))
Just because I’ve started to work (as hard as I can) on my mental health and learning how to live and deal with all of this, doesn’t mean there’s an “end goal” or a “final solution or boss fight.” In fact, the Boss fight happened cause I was a damned NOOB with Cloth for armor and went up against a well armed and angry Shadow Priest and got mentally and physically ravaged. Hurray for the world of WoW and the internet giving me ways to try to explain things… Anyway.
I have to TRUST you, to talk to you.
A lot of the issues I deal with surrounding DiD come with a huge lack of trust in humanity in general and on a personal level as well. If I trust you, count yourself as lucky, cause it’s not many that I trust. None the less the rest of “Us.”
As I’ve been working I’m finding that it’s incredibly important for my Aspects to trust the places I go and the people I’m around. If one is thrown off by something of where I am or who I’m with I’ll start to shut down. Sometimes this makes friendships and relationships hard as not everyone (in my head) is onboard with those that we’re around. Which has in the past also been close family, and that is REALLY hard to have to work through. In fact, until recently there wasn’t a single person that all of “us,” could be around. Unfortunately there was also trust betrayed there and it hasn’t been since that there’s really been another who’s gotten that far.
One of my friends is close, but it will still ultimately be some time…