I have absolutely reached the point at which I find myself why wondering why in the ever blazing hells I even put up with all of this. Sure, it brings in a paycheck, but I get absolutely no joy out of it. My team is a bunch of muggles and believers and it makes my stomach want to turn. They’re all sucked in and attached to the tit of “The Dream.” That dream that economic consumerism is the way to go. Work harder, buy more, “prosper.” And what is it exactly that we are doing, furthering others consumeristic endeavors thus perpetuating the same old bull shit a thousand times over in a system that gives absolutely zero fucks about anything other than its own circle of fulfillment.
When people ask me how my job is, I can honestly say it’s better than being on the phone for 8 hours a day being screamed at. Past that… it’s hard working for a company that inherently doesn’t trust its workers. I pop on and off pages to clear my brain. If I wanted to steal information I would have already done so and been in jail for it. Interests I have in that sort of bull shit? None. Why? Not worth it.
I’m struggling with the understanding that if I quit my current job which is nothing but stress, and bull shit, I loose my benefits that I’ve worked so hard to obtain as well as the pay grade that I went through hell for. I’d gain: Time, which is ultimately all anyone has, Less stress, which is really the number one killer in furthering every illness from the common cold all the way through cancer, working for just one company (plus my own small business) who’s mission I actually believe in and see the good it creates, co-workers who, some understand my crazy, others who suffer from the same crazy, and overall, my crazy isn’t affected nearly as bad, which makes my overall wellbeing much better. So what do I do? Quit the breadwinner in order to go to a lower standard of living but ultimately have a better mental wellbeing? Put up with the bullshit of the larger machine and be a part of something that perpetuates absolutely nothing that I believe in? Yah.. Talk about a rock and a hard place.
But then again, I guess “THAT” is what the American Dream is now a days. Work yourself to the bone, in a job you really don’t like, so that hopefully one day you can have the comforts you desire… if your retirement and social security isn’t completely drained by taxes and defunded in the meantime. Yup. Brilliant. I’m so over this.